As for mealtimes, try to judge when you and your kids are getting hungry and work around that. I think it's better for them to learn to listen to their bodies and determine when they are hungry than to watch a clock and eat when it tells them to. If they are busy with something when dinner is ready we just talk about it. Maybe they are not hungry. Maybe they'll be finished up in a few minutes and come to the table then. Maybe they're hungry now but don't want to stop their activity so I offer to bring them a plate instead. They are always happy and grateful!

Or if they've been busy with something for a while and haven't eaten I may ask if they'd like a snack, or just bring something to them as a surprise. That goes over really well too! It's all about just being thoughtful and considerate of one another and not using food as a power struggle, but as sustenance that your body needs. If everyone enjoys gathering around the table at dinnertime to chat while eating, great! But if what they are doing at the time is more important to them, that's great too! It means they are enjoying themselves, feeling challenged or relaxed, and they are learning. Cool!

As for food itself, we don't require they "finish their plate" or "eat their veggies" - we don't restrict their food at all. They figure out when they're hungry and what they'd like to eat, though I do make dinner for the family and if they don't like it (I try to have something that each of them likes) they are welcome to get something else on their own or once I've finished and I'll fix them something quick. They learn by experience what they like (they are much more willing to try new stuff when they know it is truly their choice), we discuss food choices, they know how some food makes them feel (good or bad), they know how they feel if they overeat etc. They eat a wide variety of food by their own choice. My daughter has recently declared herself a vegetarian, to try it out, she said. So we've talked about alternate protein sources, I've picked up a couple of vegetarian cookbooks from the library and we've tried a few recipes out. We're learning about food all the time!

Some people think that a kid will only eat "junk food" if given a choice, but that's simply not true. Here's a short email I wrote when we were discussing this in November 2003:

<<This is one of those "it works" stories. We got back from Hometown Buffet and a quick trip to the store. My daughter said "do we have any chocolate?" I answered "yes" and since I happened to be standing near the chocolate in the kitchen, I broke off a piece and held it out to her. "I don't want any. Thank you." And she wandered off. >>

Oh, I've got one too! I went with my daughter to her Girl Guides enrolment ceremony last night. There was a table full of chips, donuts, cookies, cakes during the party afterwards and she didn't want any of it. But as soon as we got home, she said she was hungry and asked for a bowl of oatmeal. LOL!

It's not that she just doesn't like donuts, cookies etc. - I took her and her younger brother out to get some donuts the other day because they asked. The great thing is that she doesn't feel the need to eat them just because they are available (that's me!).